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In a world where death is inevitable… yet most peoples main purpose on this earth is to prolong their lives for as long as possible. Deadly disease and destruction, brought on by coronavirus, is currently threatening to wipe humanity off the face of the earth… I’m here to shed a glimmer of hope to those of us who think we have a chance to survive.
Warning: Before the inevitable apocalypse – the likelihood and threat of worldwide governmental agencies implementing mandatory quarantines is very real.
Even if governments don’t mandate quarantines – many citizens have succumbed to the panic and fear brought on by the hysterical news media. These citizens have chosen to self quarantine. They’ll stay holed up in their homes for weeks on end… just hoping and praying that they don’t run out of toilet paper.
How to Survive a Multi-Week Quarantine
Thank God that the world has evolved immensely over the last 150 years. Free markets and capitalism and the entrepreneurial spirit have led to technological advances and thousands upon thousands of products that simply make our lives better. Thank Jeff Bezos for creating Amazon which gives us access to most of those products at our very fingertips.
As long as those trusty Amazon delivery drivers are able to avoid the quarantine hysteria… they’ll keep delivering packages to our homes so we don’t have to go out and risk
our lives getting sneezed on at the local stores. Listed here are several items that are sold on Amazon that can help you survive such a quarantine and the eventual apocalypse that could ensue…
Fully Equipped Emergency Survival Kit
Because you just never know… this kit is designed for days of survival in the event of an earthquake, flood or any other natural disaster.
Toilet Paper May Not be Available (at all)!
In the early days of this crisis – we’re already seeing shortages on shelves at stores. Some think that the ‘made in China’ toilet paper supply isn’t being replenished. I don’t think that’s it at all. People are terrified that they’re going to be quarantined and stuck with nothing to wipe their butts with after a few weeks. I mean, really?!? THIS is what concerns people the most about this coronavirus outbreak? Whether or not they are going to run out of toilet paper!
Not to worry. Toilet paper is not needed! Just grab yourself one of these portable (European-style) bidet’s and your bum will be cleaner than most Americans on any average day.
How to Pass Time During a Multi-Week Quarantine
Just hope and pray that the electricity stays on and the internet keeps working. Can you imagine a world where you might not have access to Facebook on your phone? Oh no!! We’re all gonna die!!!
Seriously though… PLEASE don’t spend the entire quarantine scrolling through Facebook or any other social media feed. Get creative. Think outside the box. Or… look inside the box (set)! Lol
Seinfeld Box Set
You’re going to be sitting around at home for weeks on end – you’re going to need something to do. You know what never gets old?!? Seinfeld episodes! They’re all hilarious every single time. Remember… when somebody sneezes, you should always say to them – “you are SO good looking,” instead of “God bless you.” It’s in one of the Seinfeld episodes. Look it up.
Little House on the Prairie
Some businesses are voluntarily shutting down – putting America at risk of rewinding to an age before technology and progress. Want to see what it was like to actually live in America in the late 1800’s? Little House on the Prairie will take you back. It’s not a bad show. I watched it a lot when I was a kid. In fact, if you have kids of your own (like I do), it might do them some good to see what life was like before the internet. Yeah – you should definitely get this box set and force your kids to watch it during their coronavirus quarantine.
If you don’t have kids in your home, and maybe you don’t want to accidentally have kids in about 9 months, then you may want to stock up on some condoms. I mean… having a little fun under the covers for three straight weeks sounds like not a bad way to make use of all of that free time during quarantine. I’m not saying that Little House on the Prairie will exactly put you in the mood… but whatever floats your boat!
Monopoly – Classic
If you don’t already have this classic board game somewhere in your home… then what are you waiting for? Did you know that Robert Kiyosaki, author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, played this game quite a bit when he was a kid. His rich dad used it as a tool to teach him about money. I play Monopoly with my kids as well and I’m using it to teach them about money.
And by gosh… get the Rich Dad, Poor Dad book if you haven’t read it yet! If you’re lucky enough to survive this coronavirus apocalypse – you’re going to need the lessons taught in that book to survive financially for the rest of your life.
Don’t have enough patience for an entire board game of classic Monopoly? I mean, unless you’re anxious to use up some of those condoms… what else do you have to do? Well – if you don’t want to spend a couple of hours playing Monopoly – definitely try the Monopoly Deal card game. It’s actually really fun and typically only takes about 10 minutes per game.
Playing Cards by Bicycle
Speaking of cards… you can never have too many decks of playing cards around the house. Bicycle makes a good deck. The classic red and blue. You really should always have a deck of cards with you anyway – because that way nobody can never accuse you of ‘not playing with a full deck’. I honestly keep a full deck of cards in my personal truck and I have one in my work semi-truck as well. You just never know when you might need a deck of cards.
Don’t know any good card games? Check out this Ultimate Book of Family Card Games for ideas. This coronavirus quarantine will fly by in no time with so much to do!
Survival Items for the Impending Apocalypse
Okay – assuming you survived the quarantine and didn’t die of boredom thanks to some of my suggestions above… Now we have some real survival concerns that need to be addressed. There are going to be a LOT of what ifs…
- what if the electric grid is compromised and there are widespread power outages
- what if the oil and gas industry is disrupted and we can’t get gas at all or it becomes outrageously expensive
- what if cellular communication is cut off
- what if your significant other isn’t ‘in the mood’ and your condoms expire
- what if food production halts resulting in mass food shortages
- what if people start dying all around us
I know that most of these are highly unlikely. But again… you just never know. Can’t hurt to be prepared.
100 Deadly Skills (Survival book)
Because YouTube might not be working that day… and you might actually have to read a book to learn a skill rather than watch some hillbilly demonstrate his skills on a phone-recorded video thrown up on the YouTube.
Because there are actually people in the world who don’t own a gas can. If you are one of them… WTF are you thinking? Everybody should have at least one small gas can. And maybe go put some gas in it before the gas stations shut down!
When the inevitable starts happening and people are dropping like flies because
they drank too much Corona of the coronavirus… Well, if they’re dead – they probably won’t need the gas that is left in their car. Luckily for you – you read this post and purchased a gas siphon so you can retrieve that unneeded gas from their car to store in your brand new gas can! You’re welcome!!
Gas Powered Portable Generator
What in the world are you going to do with all of that extra gas anyway? You’re one of the lucky few who survived and you have all of the dead peoples gas. Well, shoot! Might as well fire up your gas powered generator and enjoy some good old-fashioned electricity!
Solar Powered Portable Generator
If you weren’t smart enough to purchase a gas siphon – then hopefully you were smart enough to purchase a generator that doesn’t need gas. I hope this thing has enough output to keep your refrigerator and/or freezer powered up for a couple of weeks. With any luck – there might even be enough juice left in it to be able to recharge your electric toothbrush.
I’m not saying that it’s going to get so bad in the last days that you’ll have to eat people just to survive. But it wouldn’t hurt to know the history of cannibalism and whatnot. You know… just in case.
Hand-Held CB Radio
Because you may want a way to communicate with others if cellular communications get cut off. Even if cellular communication remains – a CB is just a cool thing to have. This handheld version can be used like a walkie talkie – or you can use the magnetic antenna in your car to get better range and you’ll be able to talk to truckers! Because we truckers will still be out there on the roads. Despite the panic and fear and hysteria – truckers still need to keep America rolling. Grab yourself a CB radio and give me a shout if you see me out there on the roads! 10-4 good buddy. Over-n-out.
Congratulations! You Survived. Get a T-Shirt
My 12-year-old son, Ethan, is learning some entrepreneurial skills by selling t-shirts on his own WordPress website. Check out Ethan’s ‘shirts for pals’ website where he shows off his work and has links for people to buy his shirts. Ole dad here is teaching him how to exploit panic and fear brought on by a crisis like coronavirus – so he designed this shirt…
Grab the shirt! Help out my kid and show off your survival achievement. Even if you don’t survive – at least the shirt will be left behind for somebody who does.
Signing Off Now…
Well – I hope this isn’t my last post on my Dumb Passive Income blog. It might be. Maybe I’ll die. Maybe we’ll all die. Who knows. Who cares. I’ll be fine. I know where I’m going when that day comes.
We’ll see you on the other side… 😉 Good Day!
Feel free to add your coronavirus survival tips and suggestions in the comments section below